What Not To Say To Women

This is a long post with lots of words and no pictures. It's very important to me so I hope you'll read it anyway.

There’s something important everyone should know about D.C.: Despite it being a town built by, for, and around politics, its inhabitants don’t like to talk about politics. There are exceptions to this, of course, perhaps if you are a devout employee of the Hill or K Street, but even then, for those who have their working hours consumed by partisan maneuvering, many want to think about anything else during their remaining hours.

Several weeks ago, Karey and I were on the metro going back in to the city after watching the UNC v. Villanova game at a bar in Alexandria with some friends. Three men, probably a few years younger than us, boarded and began loudly discussing taxes.

Another important thing everyone should know about D.C.: We don’t talk on the metro. If you’re talking to a friend at a respectful decibel level that’s fine, but we don’t engage strangers in conversation. There’s no need. We all spend a scary amount of our lives commuting on this thing and prefer to use this time to read, sleep, respond to email, or just sit.

As these three men loudly discussed politics on the metro, Karey and I had our own quiet conversation. Until the Cutie turned to us for our opinion. (For the purposes of this retelling, I will name them Ugly Teeth, Angry One, and Cutie because he had a cute face but also because he was petite.) He was trying to seem polite and reluctant with his “so sorry to interrupt your evening” and “if you don’t mind at all” when of course he was interrupting our evening, of course we minded, and of course he knew this.

He asked us for our thoughts on tax brackets. We both told him and the others our opinions and I added that it was kind of pointless to talk to me about this because I’m “borderline Socialist,” thinking this would deter them. But of course it didn’t.

Ugly Teeth moved closer to us and began asking us about politics in general, including who we voted for in the last election. Which you should never ask in D.C. or anywhere. I was just not in the mood and threw Karey under the bus a little when I told them what her political persuasion used to be, thinking they would engage her more than me. Which they did.

Then they had the audacity to ask us why we believe what we believe, why we vote the way we vote. Here’s the thing: I’m not in politics but I love politics and under the right circumstances I will gladly discuss and debate them with you. The right circumstances are not likely to be found at 10 on a Friday night on the D.C. metro with three strange men who clearly aren’t from here and clearly are a little drunk. (Full disclosure: I’d had two glasses of wine so while I wasn’t drunk, I was definitely at a point where my mouth acts faster than my brain.)

It becomes glaringly obvious to me early in political discussions if it’s a discussion for the purposes of edification or a discussion for the purposes of changing someone’s mind. Since I’ve always believed what I believe and always voted the way I vote, I have no interest or patience in engaging those with such divergent views out to change yours. It was clear to me that the instigators fell in this category.

As Karey began explaining how being a woman has informed her current political choices, and they questioned this, I jumped in. Gender equality and believing in, supporting, and advancing Feminism is probably my most passionate belief. So perhaps you’ll understand why this next statement, from Ugly Teeth, caused to me begin yelling and nearly leap from my seat: “Feminism hasn’t been relevant since 1993.”

In just the past month we’ve seen a slew of state legislation aiming to shutter abortion clinics. We’ve seen a high-profile rape trial that victimized the perpetrators and attacked the victim. We’ve seen various institutions try to restrict access to birth control. We’ve seen politicians believe in the existence of “legitimate rape.” We’ve seen updated statistics that women are still paid only 77 cents for every $1 a man earns. But Feminism hasn’t been relevant in 20 years? Feminism is more relevant, and needs to be even more relevant, now more than ever.

In far less eloquent words than I feel I’ve captured above, I said this to the metro instigators. It was the pay statistic that they latched on to. Ugly Teeth said that wasn’t true. Angry One stood by the door, violently shaking his head and declaring, “That’s not true. You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong.” Never providing a reason as to why I was wrong, however.

When Ugly Teeth questioned my source – Sheryl Sandburg’s new book – because “you can’t believe a book” and then sneered that I “probably got it from Wikipedia,” I was done. I yelled that they were not respecting me or listening to me and that they could leave now. We were done. Ugly Teeth backed away, not believing how quickly it got out of hand, and began conferring with Angry One. Cutie tried to apologize. Karey had her arm out ready to block me if I tried to jump at them. I just stewed and tried to shoot daggers out of my eyes.

They exited at the next metro stop, leaving us and our metro car to breathe a sigh of relief. (I was too occupied by the verbal battle to notice, but Karey said everyone in our car was listening and the women seemed particularly engaged.)

I was angry then and I’m angry now. But I’m also proud that I defended my beliefs and stood up for Feminism, even if I didn’t do it as eloquently as I wanted. (That would be the wine in me making my mouth work faster than my brain.)

Now too, of course, I really do have to laugh a little. I mean, these guys were probably just trying to hit on us (or so a few friends of mine think) and they happened upon two well-educated, politically-minded, pro-equality women who love speaking their minds. I nearly feel sorry for them.

What this incident has showed me is that these people really do exist, out in the world, on the metro. I’m not naïve, I know they’re out there, I see them on TV, I hear stories from friends, I’ve just never run in to any this serious before. And it makes me angry. How dare men try to tell women that what they believe about being a woman is wrong? How dare they exclaim that Feminism is no longer relevant, i.e., that it’s no longer necessary?

We’ve not seen a woman president. We’ve not seen more than a handful of women at a time in the House or Senate. We’ve only just seen women admitted into Augusta. We’ve only just seen women become more educated than men.

We, women, just have so much still to do. And we’re going to do it. Because you can attack our beliefs, you can ignore our arguments, you can disrespect our stances, but we aren’t going anywhere. Good luck out there, metro instigators, your kind can’t last forever.

What do we want? Sanity! When do we want it? Yesterday! Or, you know, when you get a sec.

I had been looking forward to this past weekend for more than a month, ever since my friend, Jan, booked her plane ticket to D.C. for the 2010 NSATC reunion.

And then, a certain Mr. Stewart and another certain Mr. Colbert, announced their plans for a rally to restore sanity and a march to keep fear alive, which just so happened to be the same weekend as the Jan Plan.

The result? Four Carolina girls and a whole lot of sanity and/or fear.

It has been more than a year since my last mass event on the mall, and while I can't say I've missed being squashed together with thousands of strangers, standing up for far too long, completely exposed to the elements, it was definitely worth it. And at least this time, the temperature hovered well above freezing.

Highlights:
1. All the signs! It's inevitable that a rally sponsored by two of America's most brilliant comedians would have the most intelligent, witty, and sarcastic signs. DCist has a good collection. One of my favorites:

2. The Peace Crazy Love Train medley. Yousef (nee Cat Stevens) vs. Ozzy Osbourne vs. The O Jays. Unbelievable.

3. Stephen's Chilean miner entrance and the crowd chanting Chi-Chi-Le-Le.

4. Jon's keynote address on the end. His show is the sole reason I made it through the Bush years alive and he continues to inspire me with his insightful and hilarious commentary. He made some excellent points without  mocking those he disagrees or taking himself too seriously. Well done, Mr. Stewart.

5. Experiencing it all with these lovely ladies:

Lowlight:

1. The tease that Stephen was going to give one of his fear medals to Anderson Cooper, only to end up giving it to his tight dark shirt instead. Not cool, Stephen, not cool. It took awhile for my heart to start beating again after I thought I was going to be within three blocks of Mr. Cooper.

In closing...
My political beliefs are no secret. And while this was not a traditional political rally, it was still nice to be around so many people who are thinking the same thing as me. And not necessarily about healthcare or gay marriage or abortion. But more along the lines that fear, bitter rhetoric, empty promises, and mindless posturing aren't the answer. That things aren't perfect but that our President isn't Hitler. That if we all just took a minute to chill the fuck out and try to act sane for like a millisecond, we can do great things.

I may not agree with what you say but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. But if you could not be completely crazy and irrational when you do it, it would make that whole death thing a lot more tolerable.

Hoping that this weekend was the first step in a lot of steps of sanity, on the left and right.

She keeps Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet

Sunday night was supposed to be a night of serious blogging: Finish at least three posts in drafts and think of ideas for new ones. But instead my computer freaked out, as it often does, and Sunday and Monday was spent trying to figure out why it wouldn't connect to the Internet, why there was no sound, and why the classic restart option -- attempted no less than 10 times -- failed to work.

Thanks to my supreme Google-fu and an alarming amount of fellow 'net denizens with the same problem, the solution was found, implemented, and Francisco is back in service. (Until the next time he decides to act out like the surly toddler he is.) Of course now, at this point, there is no energy or brainpower left to intelligently blog so I resort to the writer's crutch: bullet points.

• Since writing about Anne Shirley, one of her blossoms has died. Hoping that's just the lifespan of an amaryllis and not a statement on my sickly green thumb.
• Last weekend, I tried on more than 30 items of clothing, and bought none. This weekend, a trip to Georgetown and trying on about 10 outfits, ended empty-handed. Sunday's trip to Target only set me back $14. What has happened to my shopping-fu?!
• Sunday the roommate and I went to brunch with/exclusively for bottomless mimosas. So many years wasted because of a disdain for orange juice; if only I had realized my glass was just missing the champagne.
• It's season finale time. "30 Rock" was amazing and the summer is going to be long and dry without it. "How I Met Your Mother" is pissing me off and it better stop being lame. Or else I'll still keep watching it but not happily.
• The oil spill in the Gulf is breaking my heart. I think every person that ever uttered or even thought the words "drill, baby, drill" should have to personally clean off a bird or sop up some of the mess from those wetlands.

"Everyone should have some basic security when it comes to their health." (President Obama)

Just one more thing about health care.

I debated writing the last post, and this one, because every time I post something political I regret it at first because I'm opening myself up to disapproval, disagreement, and derision -- none of which I handle well. But then I was so upset about the protesters and I knew I had to put it into words because I'm a writer and if I don't write I will burst.

One of my favorite bloggers/columnists to read is Ezra Klein at the Washington Post. He's really good at explaining complex subjects without dumbing down or being condescending. (He also tweets some pretty funny stuff.) He wrote a post on Who does health care reform really help? which made me happy because it reinforced why I support reform and this bill, even with its flaws. He also referenced an article in The New Republic written by Jonathan Cohn about his observations of the Capitol protesters:

The conservatives protesting on the Capitol lawn Saturday see things differently. Health care reform isn't about contributing money for the sake of their own security; it's about having their money taken for the sake of somebody else's security. When they hear stories of people left bankrupt or sick because of uninsurance, they are more likely to see a lack of personal responsibility and virtue than a lack of good fortune.

This kind of thinking goes against everything I believe. But seeing it in print and recognized by others, did help to ease some of my sadness and anger. And I realize this might be boiling down their viewpoint to a talking point, but it's the biggest issue I've had with the opposition so I'm focusing on that. Cohn continues:

The bill before Congress may be flawed. And the process that produced it may be severely flawed. But it is, nevertheless, an expression of the idea that we--as as society--are not prepared to let people continue to suffer such dire consequences just because they’re unlucky. [emphasis added]

And that pretty much sums up my government and life view. I'm not naive enough to think that government can fix everything. In fact, after Katrina, I put my faith in the people to fix things, to make a difference. But I do think we have a responsibility to others. For starters, one day it could be us needing a helping hand. But more than that, quite simply, it's just the right thing to do. I don't see another option. Nothing is black and white to me, except this.

This is what I voted for

I had the terrible misfortune of walking through the sea of anti-health care protesters at the Capitol yesterday. And I've been thinking about it all weekend. Weighing heavy on my mind has been one sign in particular:

Health care is a privilege, not a right

I can't even get mad over this because it just so completely breaks my heart. It was being held by a white couple in their 20s or 30s. I'm sure everything is a privilege for them, they're in the majority. And I'm a white girl in my 20s, I'm in the majority, too. But what about everybody else?

What about minorities? The poor? They tend to have the hardest time getting coverage. What about kids fresh out of college? Those who lost their job? People with pre-existing conditions? What if those sign-holders lose their job tomorrow, and with it their coverage. Will they still be singing the same tune?

Some people simply can't imagine a time when they will need a little help. And they can't muster the tiniest shred of empathy to care about how it affects others. And it just makes me very sad.

And please, please, if one more person says that the American people don't want this, that they are saying no, I will scream.

Some of us want exactly this! Some of us voted exactly for this! I want this! I voted for this!

You've had your chance for months to speak your mind and you have done that repeatedly, as is your right. But you don't speak for everybody! Your voice may be the loudest right now but you aren't the only voice. And it doesn't make you right.

Finally, to the people who spit and screamed racial and gay slurs at members of Congress, I just don't have anything left to say to you. I feel that you were probably the same people who spit and screamed during the Civil Rights Movement. And it didn't work then.

The times they are a-changin'

"Hubert even resorted to incendiary language--incendiary for the genial Hubert, at any rate--demanding that Jack drop 'the razzle dazzle, fizzle fazzle.'"
-Edward M. Kennedy, True Compass, re: Hubert Humphrey

"He uses fuck like a combination of comma and semicolon, to punctuate and highlight his thoughts."
-Naftali Bendavid, The Thumpin', re: Rahm Emanuel

Further proof that the tenor of public discourse has changed in the past 40 years. Though I'm not judging either of them. But I will admit I'm 1,000 times more likely to spout something closer to the latter than the former.

Democracy at its finest

I love this photo from the official White House Flickr photostream:

Blackberrys, cell phones and communications devices are tagged with post-its during a briefing on Afghanistan and Pakistan in the Cabinet Room 3/26/09. Official White House Photo by Pete Souza.

Commenters below the photo point out two things:

1. As high tech as the devices are, they still resort to post-its notes to identify them.
2. How amazingly fun it would be to mix-up the post-its and therefore the phones?

Seriously, I amuse myself entirely too much envisioning what would happen if they were switched. What if Schumer had got Specter's right before he switched parties and saw that he had an "I Love Nancy Pelosi" background and had just purchased the book Why Daddy is a Democrat? (Although now I realize the post-it I thought said Specter actually says Cantor. Damn. I would be the person to get fired from the White House for mixing up the post-its not even intentionally.)

And it looks like the fourth or fifth one down from the top is a digital camera. Someone has clearly been watching some ANTM and wants some fierce photos in the cabinet room. (It goes without saying that I'd have the same intentions. After the business was done, of course. No disrespect.)

I'm kind of obsessed with this photostream now. I really think that no matter your political beliefs, the pictures posted are interesting and offer a glimpse into West Wing dealings that we don't often get.

Day 261: "I can see Russia from my house!" (Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, SNL)

I am a fan of the creative, different baby name. Not an Audio Science or Pilot Inspektor, but a name unique enough so they won't have the burden of attaching a last initial to differentiate them from the dozen other kids named Sally or Johnny.

However, I just can not get behind a kid named after a painful and utterly useless branch of mathematics. Or another named after a random British city. However, I also can't resist when the joys of internet name generators beckon me to discover my own Sarah Palin-esque name. So tonite I discovered what my name would have been were I born to an Alaskan with questionable ethics and a love of firearms: Taupe Armageddon. Ugh.

I have to say, though, that it's a name that demands a certain amount of respect. No one would ever take the lunch money of a Taupe Armageddon or threaten to flush her down the toilet every other day at pre-school. (Don't think I've forgotten you, Sam, from the Westmeyer Presbyterian Pre-School in Wilmington.)